i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
