i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
