Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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