like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
