I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
