Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
