I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
