there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
