You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
