I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
