I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You may now shotgun with the bride
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
