What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
