It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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