you have to choose: penises or morals?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
