I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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