listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
