She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
