Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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