the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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