And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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