my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
