Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
