Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
