Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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