So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
