so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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