dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
