Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
