Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
