I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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