Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.

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(954): View more from Florida

a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube

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(206): View more from Washington

it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster

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(513): View more from Ohio

well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.

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(903): View more from Texas

I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.

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(410): View more from Maryland

That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.

Fav 9 2897 826
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(720): View more from Colorado

Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am

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(518): View more from New York

CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS

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(513): View more from Ohio

Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.

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