Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
