i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
