dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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