I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
