life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize