I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
