Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
