I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
