my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
