singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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