I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
