Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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