Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
