Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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