Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
