Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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