seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
