so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
