Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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