Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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