He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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