i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
