why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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