I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize