apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
