Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
