I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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