I love black thongs
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
