I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
