Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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