is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
