I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize