I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
