im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
