East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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